Impressions from a Man without a Tribe

I am a man without a tribe. Despite an intense desire to serve, I was medically disqualified from joining the armed forces. I instead worked as an computer software contractor, deploying to Afghanistan and Iraq with US military units. This put me in a kind of limbo, not quite a service member, but not quite a typical civilian to whom our wars are a distant abstraction.

Since I am sharing prose on a poetry site, you can also see that I am not a poet. I have, however, been graciously invited to occasionally post here. I will begin by sharing some of the lasting impressions that I have from my time supporting our warfighters.

My experiences have made it clear to me how dangerous the world can be and how brutal people can be to each other. Some might say that this has made me paranoid, but I honestly believe the paranoid tendencies were already in my character and I perhaps sought out experiences that reinforced it.

I also carry with me an appreciation of how fragile societies are. Shortly before Yugoslavia violently disintegrated, my father traveled through Sarajevo and told me what a beautiful city it was. A few years later, its name became synonymous with a genocidal siege.

In the 1960’s and 1970’s, Kabul was a city moving into the modern world. After decades of war, it was the scene of public executions of women accused of adultery and is now regularly shaken by suicide bombings.

While the regime of Saddam Hussein was reprehensible for its brutality and oppression, Iraq was once one of the most-educated countries in the Middle East, had a growing base of modern infrastructure and industry, and at least some Iraqis had opportunities for a recognizably middle-class lifestyle. Now it has been torn apart by wars with its neighbors, with a superpower, and with itself for over four decades. The last and most important of those wars remains unresolved today and has become intertwined with similar chaos in neighboring Syria.

Just as striking as the fragility was the resilience and adaptability. In the first full year of the war in Afghanistan, merchants negotiated prices on rugs and lapis lazuli jewelry in broken English with American soldiers (and a few camp followers like myself). A little more than a decade earlier, those same merchants and their predecessors negotiated with Soviet soldiers in broken Russian.

In both countries, life went on as best it could amidst the chaos of war. Young couples married. Babies were born. Children played with their friends and went to school, if they could. People worked on farms, in factories, in offices, and in shops and marketplaces. One spouse would call another to ask them to pick up some milk on their way home from work. Some of them would never make it home, killed by a suicide bomber or kidnapped and tortured to death by sectarian terrorists. People got sick, as they always do, while many others were injured in violent attacks by one side or another and doctors and nurses treated them as effectively as they could in the circumstances. People died, as they also always do, some from war, some from illness, some simply from old age, and those fortunate enough to be loved were mourned.

What I witnessed and experienced during my time at war is fundamentally a matter of people. I am a speaker to machines and don’t really understand people, never have, and likely never will, so I can’t claim to have the answer. However, I do think that part of the answer, not just for “those people over there” but just as importantly for We the People over here, is to focus more on the things that we have in common than on the things that divide us.

These Things That I Have Seen

Gate to Seoul

How do I even begin to explain to you these things that I have seen-
A lifetime of events both bold and boring but mostly in between.
Of hundred mile marches through mountains with all the ups and downs;
Of driving through Bosnian villages and rubble that used to be towns;
Of all the images and comments on CNN and what that meant for me,
An early morning call, then load out and head across the sea.
First the hook the Jedi planned that caught my fanciful heart,
It surely wasn’t an ending- for me it was the start.
Next, images of starving kids then dead pilots not in the air,
Voices asking us to do something, then asking us why we were there.
Commissioned into the artillery immediately after a RIF,
The first few years of training passed in a blur- mundane and swift.
Well we thought that we were busy, marching through the Balkan mud.
But A few years later some buildings fell, then came real work and blood.
There are no words to explain to you how it feels when someone dies,
Painfully bleeding out while looking in your eyes.
After the fighting, life goes on as it will and always must,
With days of utter boredom and moments of adrenaline rush.
Training citizen-soldiers and sending them where I used to be,
Took some of the edge off, and opened my mind to policy.
The hardest thing I’ve had to see to this very day,
Is watching how fast Americans came undone when the levees gave way.
Despite our best efforts to break the log-jams free,
English to English translation was the bane of the interagency.
I spent time writing doctrine as the Army tried to redesign.
But everything new is old again in such a minimally short time.
I spent a year training 30th Brigade in Iraqi sand,
And another as a coalition planner in Afghanistan;
But in between, a seminal moment that helped me make it through,
After years of working to achieve my dream, I became a Jedi too.
I’ve taught the art of military operations, were all the field grades go,
And been dumbfounded by how little some “professionals” know.
I spent a year in Korea, lived in Seoul, saw the DMZ,
As a targeteer and planner, and a Colonel’s deputy.
Now I spend my time in planning- policy at an embassy,
But the internal strife in my nation is what truly worries me.
Now I know that I’m a romantic, longing for days gone by,
But it seems to me that in my childhood people would at least try,
To get along better, all of us rank and file,
Even the corrupted politicians, on both sides of the aisle.
When I think long and hard upon it, the thing that sticks to me,
As the most painful of all is our loss of civility.
We used to talk through difficult problems with passion, logic and tact,
Then, though disagreeing still, share food and drink; I’d like to get that back.